He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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