i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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