apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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