Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
