yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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