I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
