Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
