the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
