what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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