i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
