I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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