The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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