Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
