my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
two words: eviction party
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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