Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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