nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
