Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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