I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
