I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize