Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
