i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
