wrigley field is MILF paradise
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
