My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Buhtt sex?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
