I just made out with a guy for $7.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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