Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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