I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
