Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
