walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
