Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
