She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
