I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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