The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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