Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
