"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
