No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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