well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
