The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
