opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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