I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
