I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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