grandma shit on top of the toilet
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
