everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
