It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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