Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
