Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
this just has baby written all over it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
