I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
do nipples grow back?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
