In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
