just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
