Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
