# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
