so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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