I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im six kinds of drunk right now
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
