I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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