i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
