I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
