My hand turned me down
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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