One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
