Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
