Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
