Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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