This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
