I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
