I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
