Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
