I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
