so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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