Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
