for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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