On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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