i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
