dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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