Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
