My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
