Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
