I think my fart just growled at me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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