She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
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No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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