He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
