god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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