I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
