Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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