i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
