My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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