just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
