I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
