I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
